Good gold!

“Oh yes,” said the leprechaun, “completely safe,” as a huge wrenching sensation overtook me and hurled me forwards.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time, borrow the prismatic charm and follow a rainbow to its end. Of course everyone knows that’s impossible, normally, but if you have the right spell to bend the light the right way it can be done. The wizard I stole it from had clearly thought it very valuable, since he’d hidden it behind the usual set of magical protections. Dark dungeon (money aside, how do they get hold of the land for these places?), nasty monsters (again, where do they catch them and how exactly do you squash a bloody great dragon into a dank tunnel? No one ever answers these questions) , spiky bits, big rolling stone balls, mimic chests, oh, you know. Same old, same old. Well, it is for a thief who’s made it successfully past puberty. Anyway, I don’t normally get involved in the petty squabbling of wizards, but this job seemed interesting. Aurum the Gold wanted me to steal the prismatic charm from Photos the Light, and he was willing to pay well in the currency his name implied. So I, Furs the thief, took the job and set off.

Having managed to escape the dungeon maze by the skin of my teeth (there’s not much skin left on my teeth these days) I decided to take a small detour. I may be a thief but that doesn’t mean I’m entirely clueless about magic – for one thing a few little spells will help a thief, invisibility, level three lockpicking, that kind of thing. In the course of learning about these things I picked up a few nuggets of information, and one was the prismatic charm. Naturally it was an interesting story for someone of my talents, since it was supposed to provide a route to the end of a rainbow. And everyone knows that at the end of a rainbow there is, not only a cheery little leprechaun, but also a pot of gold.

So I hung around for a few days and waited for it to rain. And then I hung around a bit longer (getting quite wet I might add) waiting for it to rain WHILE the clouds were just right to get some sunshine as well. Once that happened, I followed the multicoloured path and found the leprechaun.

“Ho Furs!” he called to me as I approached.

“How do you know me?” I asked, puzzled, my gaze wandering to the huge crock pot of gold coins glimmering in the multicoloured light.

“I’ve been waiting, “ explained the little man with the ginger beard, “I heard what Aurum was up to. My people trusted the gem to Photos some time ago. He promised to keep it well protected, knowing that if it got into the wrong hands we’d be the subject of endless pestering from idiot wizards and scurrilous thieves. No offence.”

“None taken,” I assured him, “so what happens now?”

“Ah, well, we really don’t want this to get into Aurum’s hands. He’s not really rich you know, but he has to keep up appearances. Hence the desire to get to the end of rainbows. Oh, by the way, that payment he gave you, it’s completely fake.”

“It can’t be!” I cried, “I tested it!”

“Oh Aurum’s good at illusion – here, look under this light here.” The leprechaun handed me a stone glowing with a blueish, purplish light. I took one of the gold coins and shone the light on it. Sure enough, it was revealed as a dull grey, and the words, NOT GOLD appeared on the surface of the stone.

“Good isn’t it?” asked the leprechaun. We’re thinking of selling them tavern keepers, apparently people are always trying to get fake currency past them and chewing on it just isn’t a very reliable test. Anyway, enough of that, I propose a deal.”

“Oh yes, what?” I said peevishly. Swindling other people is one thing, but getting caught myself was definitely no fun.

“Well, I can’t give you the gold, obviously,”

“Obviously.”

“But I have something else you might like, and I’m willing to exchange it for the prismatic gem. It’s more valuable than Aurum’s fee anyway.”

“Oh really?” I said, half-interested. I was contemplating whether I could take this leprechaun. He was short and didn’t appear to be armed. On the other hand, leprechauns are supposed to have magic, and it’s not always wise to tangle with magic users if one wants to live the rest of one’s life with more a more varied vocabulary than riiiiibit. I had initially expected to be have some chance of sneaking past this strange little man, but unfortunately he’d been forewarned and frankly, it didn’t seem worth the risk now. I started paying attention. Maybe the situation wouldn’t be a complete loss.

“... quick getaway.”

“er, what, sorry, could you say that again?” I asked.

He sighed, “I SAID, I have some footwear which might be of interest,” he repeated impatiently, “what you might know as 7 league boots. Put them on and you can travel huge distances in a single bound. Very helpful in your profession, I would imagine, for a quick getaway.”

“Hmmm, yes,” I replied, “so, just to be clear, you’re suggesting that I give you prismatic gem and you give me the magic boots, and I disappear and we forget about the whole thing?”

“Essentially, yes.”
I considered. Aurum’s money was no good anyway, so why not make a deal here? “Ok, it’s a deal,” I said, spitting on my hand and extending it. He frowned, slightly disgusted, but took my hand and shook it.

“Good, here are the boots – you give me the stone.” He said, holding a pair of ordinary-looking leather boots by their backs so they dangled in the air. His right hand he extended towards me, palm upwards. In a second I had dropped the stone into his waiting palm and grabbed the boots with my other hand.

I smirked and started to stuff my feet into my new footwear. These were really going to come in handy.

“Oh, said the leprechaun, there’s a key word to get them started. You know, otherwise you might take off while you’re putting them on.”
I nodded, it seemed a sensible precaution. “What is it?”

“Phosphorous,” he replied, dropping the prismatic gem into his pocket.

“Great,” I said as I finished lacing them up. “So I just say phosphorous and go?”

“Yes.” He replied, smiling.

“And this is safe?”

“Oh yes,” smiled the leprechaun, “completely safe,” as a huge wrenching sensation overtook me and hurled me forwards, and it occurred to me that in my idiocy I’d just said the word whilst wearing the boots. I felt one leg lurch forwards as the other moreorless stayed put. I looked back at the leprechaun. I could have sworn he was laughing as he tossed something aside. It fell towards the ground, glowing with a purplish blueish glow and I realised it was the so-called gold detecting stone. In my last few moments, I realised that the little bastard was laughing.